so many ways to offend your lover

Saturday morning I wake up to the sound of drilling (brought to me by drill machines, drillers, dig&destroys, concrete-fighters?) in the backyard and it is not even 9am yet. My headache stalks me to the Portuguese bakery across the street where one short espresso shot does not do the trick. I don't have change for the second one. I suggest to the gentleman behind the counter he write my name and the amount owing on a piece of paper, like his wife always does. He waves his hand mid-air, palm down, to the right and left. 'No need to write, you give it to her next time'. God forbid I ever live in a place where the concept of 'veresiye' (Turkish for give away, based on trust that compensation will come along, eventually) does not exist.

I'm too lazy to go out and join the HotDocs crowd to watch documentaries. Too uninspired to go to the editing suites at the university to cut some slack. To cut some footage. To cut a lean slice of video. Too weary to read the weekend paper. Too hazy to meaningfully relate to others. But not too lethargic to do some 'bavardage' or idle chatter, all by myself as I type these words. How I fail in love relations is one of my pet peeves. Or pet projects? Perversely enough, a constant source of entertainment for my friends and I. I bond with many others in the confusion, doubt and frustration laden world of amour raté. Will I ever authentically eye a man with the genuine longing I see in some women? Can I ever be Jane to a Tarzan or annoy the hell out of him with my critical thinking? Such are my so called worries with a sweetly oozing headache.

There are so many ways to offend your lover. Loveship, companionship, coupleship, relationship...are ships that are not so easy to steer in the dark waters of our very own disenchanted times. We form ambiguous shape-shifter zones in human emotionscapes so that we need not define or be burdened with heavy stuff. Such as caring for one another, taking responsibility for another or being for one another, chicken soup with noodles. I shall not herd this sheep or hail this ship until the truthfulness of chicken soup with noodles comes my way! In the meantime I can classify, like a dutiful file-cabinet girl in tweed deux-pièces, some past offences that comes to mind in matters of the heart.

Being cynical about what s/he tells about how s/she feels about you: If someone tells you they are in love with you just don't tell them perhaps what they feel is fleeting passion and that love builds up over time. Just shut up. Alternately your lover may entrap you in her/his insecurities by demanding 'proof of things', ie how much you love them. The truth -are we to love with a burning intensity all the time?- can vary. To admit to these fluctuations of the fickle heart can be too much, unless both parties have a similar sense of humor to accommodate plain, unabashed honesty.

There are more than quite a few ways to offend your lover and I certainly will not share all the trade secrets here. Love is pure and simple. Yet the territory we exercise it in is filled with swamps and land mines.

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